Heart heavey and sick to my stomach

So. Today i am just writting to make my stress leave...i am emotionaly ready to exploded. But i am not sure if that is into tears or into grabbing a shot gun and going trigger happy around town singing the funny farm song. (instert song words here) But seriously you guys. I am lost and i dont know what to do any more.

And to top it all off the only person that can make me happy is. Well busy off doing things with his friends...I really hate it...When i am haning out with my friends and bored some of the time doing crazy shit to get me in trouble. (insert name of dangerious things to do here) Thats when he calls me and wants to talk and stuff. But when i need him. NOPE im alone and most of the time hurting and wanting him...And even when im happy i want him around. It sucks that i cant have him here. (moments of pause to think about what to say next)

(deep sigh) Well myself and others out there economicaly/money wise we suck. My house is owned my Saxston (very bad ppl do not trust them) And so we have this HUGE Morgidge to pay. Lots of bills and thanks to the resent flood We needed Phema. BUT OH NO we cant even have that. We dont get loans from phema why? Are credit is bad! And then there's the Divorce of my horrible step grandmother Sharen (ha! irony her name has SHARE in it but she is the most greedest bitch i ever saw!)So she wants half of his retirment money. that dumb bitch cheeted on him and left him with a whole Bunch of bills to pay and i mean lots! he lost his house and had to live with us...(groans) dam i hated that. Anyway So with him probly loosing the divorce and me maybe end up loosing my house thanks to Saxston. Unable to fix up my house thanks to Phema...THIS all led to me dropping the tears today...one tiny tinyyyy money issue was what made me say "fuck it all" (or at least think it i didnt want a detention) and walk write into the girls locker room and cry.

Here's what happened. My teacher is a big HUGE a-whole. And i had him way back in elementry school. Guy never changed. He is so sexist! and Not mention a perv as well. I cant realy prove those things. but to the medgority of the high school girls he is that. Near my school is a bowling ally and the school board allows the gym teachers to take us bowling. For 3 dollors a person this year. Last year it was 7 dollors a person (i think) And last year we were given 3 shots at go for free. If we didnt have the money. Now back then i did have the money so it never bugged me. But this year i am kinda tight with cash. YES even 3 little bitty dollors! See i hate asking my mom for money. Mostly cuz i want to save up for my vacation. MY really must needed vacation! So on Monday i went for free. And today i thought Hey its wednesday...I have gym...lets go for free again and i will pay back on Friday! =3 BUT NOOO my gym couch is a fucking a-whole! (excuse my french)

So lets do this:

me: "Hey Mr.(insert gym teachers name here aka the ass whole)
him: *looks at me not dressed up for gym* "your going bowling today?"
me: Yep...what?
him: "Did you pay for last time?"
me: "No, but cant i just go for free and pay you back on friday cuz my-"
him: "No. YOU can't do that. Students are only aloud to go for free once. Then if you payed that you can go again for free, But you have to pay that too later!"
me: "Um...can't you just make a exseption cuz my mom-"
him: "And WHY should i give YOU an exseption?!"

I couldnt help it. The way he said it made me want to slap him and cry. He did that infront of everyone...I wanted to smack him! GOD DID I WANT TO! But no. instead i walked away (well more like that run walk that looks like a walk but sercetly your running) And i hid in the girls locker room stall and was texting my friend back. (i was texting him all day. Mostly b/c he is really chill and everyone seemed to be ingoring me today so i already felt shitty) When i texted him it was like i was talking...which when i talk when i am on the verg of crying i CRY! and dam do i hate when i cry! 1) it makes me look like a 3 year old mess with my face all red and puffy
2) it hurts my throat. which i didnt need today cuz im already kinda sick and 3) it somthing that i put into my brain (Crying = Weak Pathetic Baby)So what did i do kids?Instead of taking Gym. thats RIGHT! i skipped. and you know what? It didnt help at all. Cuz then you have people looking for you and detentions being given out.

All in all i learned something today. My mom is nice and she is not worried about money. My vice princapal agrees that my teacher was being an ass. And they are going to try and set up a way for kids with worse economic status then me to have this chance to go and bowl. And to make me feel a little bit better. My mom and her freind gave me 9 dollors. =) so i will pay the gym fee of the tiny 3$ i owe.

AND THEN!!! I am going to save up the rest to be the books i wanted. =3
Thank you Vladimire Tod. Your my savor with out your vampire teenage adventures i would be sooo bored during Math class.

So i end saying TooT Ah LU

~Iqpid Kimberley